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Beyond HELLO: Cynthia’s Flower Shop

In Aboriginal culture, it is a common belief that storytelling is the best way to teach children, pass on legends and strengthen relationships and family.  On the Downtown Eastside of Vancouver, over thirty percent of people struggling with homelessness and addiction are Aboriginal.  Yet, we fail to use storytelling to help them heal.  So often we offer food, clothing and shelter to meet their basic needs.  We forget about the emotional needs.  Recently on Facebook, a news story went viral.  It spoke of two states in the USA that have decided to stop issuing welfare cheques to anyone failing a drug test.  Some friends of mine hit the ‘like button’.  And you know what? I don’t blame them.  I get it.  Why should we as a society pay tax dollars to give money to someone who will spend it on drugs.  They must be making a choice right?   I understand the frustration.  Yet, I wonder, if these friends of mine would hit the ‘like’ button if they understood a little more about addiction.  If we choose to look deeper, we can see that the drugs are not the problem. They are merely an inadequate solution – to a problem that lies deeper – the problem that we really should address.  What I know from working on the Downtown Eastside is this.  Not everybody is homeless, not everybody is an addict, not everybody is sick – but everybody is in pain.   The pain began in a variety of ways.  For some it began as childhood trauma, for others it stems from abuse (sexual, physical or emotional).  Some grew up in ministry care while others were mistreated at residential schools.  Each person has a different story, but what I know from my work over the past five years is that every person living on the streets of the Downtown Eastside feels the pain.  They are not there for the drugs.  They are there for the escape from their reality, and for many, each hit offers temporary pain relief.  They are lonely, they are lost, but they are human, and they matter.  And each of them has a story to tell; a story worth sharing, so we on the outside can understand.

If we truly want to help an individual break the cycle of addiction, then my belief is that we have to change the way we respond.  We need to go ‘Beyond HELLO’ – beyond the basic needs, and start to address the emotional needs.  Just as Aboriginal Culture suggest, storytelling is a powerful way to teach, to heal and to learn.  It empowers the storyteller to find their voice and it captures the listener and leaves them a little different than they were before the story began.  I know these stories have changed me.  I hope they change you too.

 

Month 3 of Beyond HELLO Vancouver – Cynthia’s Flower ShopIMG_1255

It’s now 10 PM and I sit here typing, smiling at the way today’s events unfolded. I am so grateful to my students who help make this project a reality, and to the residents of the Downtown Eastside, who time after time, allow themselves to show courage and vulnerability as they share their stories with us.  Today was no different – yet it had a different beginning.  Usually with ‘Beyond HELLO Vancouver’ we journey to the DTES and take someone for lunch.  Later I sit and type out their story.  However, just before I left my home, I felt ready to write.  This didn’t really make much sense as the experience had yet to begin and I was already running late to pick up Anoop, the student who would join me for the day. However, the need was there and I felt I had to get my thoughts down.  Rather than writing, I used the recording feature on my phone and recorded myself talking.  I recited the paragraphs above that you just read.  Interesting, because at the time, I had no idea whether or not the story we would hear today would have anything to do with Aboriginal culture or storytelling.   Sitting here now writing this, I’m smiling, knowing what I have always known about this project.  It is bigger than me. It is not something I create – but something that seems to unfold. I love that this happens to me, and that I am there to experience it.  Today’s story is about Cynthia, a strong, beautiful Aboriginal woman who offers light and warmth to the Downtown Eastside.  With her permission, here is my interpretation of today’s events and her life story.

Around noon, I picked up my former student Anoop and headed to the Downtown Eastside.  Anoop asked how we would pick the one person to join us for lunch.   I smiled and explained that we don’t really pick – we let someone find us. I let Anoop know we would walk the streets and say hello to people and when we felt like it was the right person, we would ask them to join us for lunch.  We walked up and down Hastings Street for five to ten minutes.  We smiled in recognition to many – many we remember from Christmas’s past where they have written to loved ones with Project HELLO. ‘Steven King’ stood guarding his community garden.  Behind him, a sign attached to the fence read ‘drug free area’ yet attached to the sign is a pocket tray of clean needles.  Not a surprise – as images of contrast are everywhere on Hastings Street.  Fancy cars driving by people with their life’s belongings in shopping carts, yuppie condos built next to shelters, and so many speckles of beauty scattered amongst the dark streets.  As we passed the community garden we saw a barefoot woman, rocking back and forth, leaning on a shopping cart for support.  Her hair was orange and buzz cut, she appeared in pain but high on drugs, yet at the same time, intently focused on the last few pages of a book that she balanced on the shopping cart.  As I walked by I glanced down to see what she was reading.  Pride and Prejudice.  A long and difficult read for a neighborhood where many have only an elementary school education.   I smiled and walked on, unfortunately not knowing until later, that the woman was Cindy – the woman who we reconnected with her daughter in our first month of Beyond HELLO.  I did not recognize her with out her long beautiful hair.  However, knowing Cindy’s boisterous personality with wild, ever-changing emotions, I could not help but smile knowing her drastic change in hair style was likely a spontaneous decision.

As we approached the ‘mall’ which is the roughest block of Hastings (on the North Side between Columbia and Carrall) we passed a lady who I recognized from July.  In month one, this woman had walked passed David and I on the south side of Hastings.  She made a comment to us saying something like “be careful down here – there’s a full moon and they are crazy today!”  We smiled and explained a bit about our project.  She beamed with motherly pride as we shared our work.  We showed her a picture of Cindy and she agreed to take our phone number down in case she saw Cindy before us.  We didn’t have a spare pen so we went with her to the Pigeon Community Bank to use a notepad and pen.  In our talks she told us she used to be called Cindy as well.  Both Cindy and Cindy had gone through re-hab together years ago.  This Cindy had stayed clean.  Deciding that she was moving forward with her life – she left ‘Cindy’ behind – and became Cynthia.  Today as we ran into Cynthia, she recognized me but couldn’t quite remember where from. I reminded her about the help she had offered.  Again she beamed with pride for our work.   I asked if she knew if Cindy was still alive.  She then told me I had just passed her – as she was the one with the orange buzz cut.  She let me know Cindy is not doing well as her leg is very infected yet she now refuses to wear shoes as she walks Hastings.  A part of me wanted to run back and say hi, yet a part of me wanted to stay exactly where I was, intrigued by Cynthia’s strength and wanting to know more about her own journey and her resilience to battle through life’s most difficult hurdles.  I asked if she would like to share her story with us over lunch.  In a split second, she eagerly agreed and together Anoop, Cynthia and I walked down the street planning on dining at Save On Meats.

As we approached, we saw that Save On Meats was boarded up, closed for renovations.  However, next to it, a newer restaurant was open.  It is called ‘Lost and Found’ café.  The name alone seemed like a natural fit for our project, so we entered the café.  Inside we discovered a café celebrating world travel, art and philanthropy.  One wall displayed black and white portraits of the DTES amongst images of other hardships around the world.  The centre of the restaurant offered a variety of gifts, all backed by a big sign saying ‘Have a Heart’ – with proceeds from all items going to charitable organizations.    Cynthia, Anoop and I ordered lunch and found a table near the window.  A table where looking one direction showed images of Hastings Street, yet looking the other way offered the cozy sanctuary of a modern café.

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Our lunch arrived and Cynthia began to share her story.

Cynthia is a citizen of the To-quaht Band, one of the smallest First Nations, situated between Ucluelet and Port Alberni.  She grew up in Port Alberni on the reserve, with few restrictions.  As she recalls, you could drink and party at any age.  By grade six, she was drinking alcohol and stopped attending school.  Her mother would come in and out of her life, but spent most of her time in Seattle.  Her father worked in logging so he was not able to be around much.  Her mother’s parents served in a parental role raising Cynthia and her siblings.  Cynthia and her grandmother had a special bond. Even though there were eight children in the house, her grandmother would always wake up Cynthia in the middle of the night when she had a special story to share.  She would put on her kettle, make some tea and wake Cynthia saying “I don’t like sitting alone – let me tell you a story”.  Cynthia relished these moments and would awake from deep sleeps to hear her grandmother’s stories: stories her grandmother passed down from her own childhood. I smiled and told Cynthia a little about my grandparents and the special memories I have spending time with them.  I understand completely the bond she speaks of.  Cynthia also shared a story of a dream she had one night as a child – a dream that one day she would have her own flower shop.  Cynthia found comfort in the images of such a dream.

Cynthia’s grandfather on her father’s side was Chief in Ucluelet and therefore some of Cynthia’s childhood was marked with ceremonial tradition.  When she entered womanhood at age twelve her band celebrated that very day with a ‘Coming of Age’ party.  Her brothers dressed in wolf regalia and were instructed to be next to her – two on her left and two on her right.  They had to follow her for the day and sit together at the community hall.  Cynthia remembers this as a powerful experience yet also a challenging day for a twelve-year-old to endure when really she wanted to run and play.

Unfortunately these days did not last. After her grandpa on her mother’s side died, the ministry stepped in and found new homes for Cynthia and her siblings.  Some went to live with aunts, while Cynthia and one of her sisters were put into foster care in Cumberland BC.  They were placed with a Caucasian family who treated them well and had strong religious values.  After about four months of living with them, the family let the girls know they were going to make a drive to Port Alberni to return bottles at the bottle depot.  They asked the girls if they would like to accompany them and visit their relatives in Port Alberni.  The girls agreed and travelled to the reserve to visit.  Once arriving, her friend Danny’s family hid the girls so they never returned into foster care.  This left Cynthia experiencing a range of emotion.   Why did the ministry need to find her a new home in the first place? Why was it so easy to escape? Why didn’t she ever hear from her foster family again?  As Cynthia struggled to find answers, she found comfort in a relationship with her friend Danny.  When she turned 16, her father asked her and Danny to come for dinner.  During dinner he let her know it was time for her to get married.  She was married to Danny for six years, yet by age 22 she needed to escape the cycle of drinking and abuse.  She recalls one evening when Danny dragged her out of a community dance by pulling her hair.  Danny’s older brother stepped in and beat Danny threatening to hurt him again if he ever beat his wife.  Ironically Danny’s brother had also been beating his wife, however, when he saw his younger brother repeat the cycle it helped him stop his own violence.  At 22 Cynthia knew she needed to leave the reserve to feel safe.  Danny and her had two children but Cynthia was raising them on her own.  When Danny returned to town she let him know it was his turn and she needed to take care of herself.  She headed to East Vancouver, following the path of her thirteen year old sister.

When Cynthia arrived in East Vancouver (29 years ago) she played a motherly role to her younger sister who was actively using drugs.  Cynthia was determined to stay clean and managed to do so for two years.  One evening, Cynthia and her boyfriend went for drinks with another couple.  The other couple offered them T’s and R’s  (T’s and R’s are also referred to as poor man’s heroin.  The T stands for Talwin, a painkiller,  and the R for Ritalin, a stimulant.  When injected together they produce a high similar to the effects of cocaine mixed with heroin).  To Cynthia’s surprise her boyfriend said yes, letting her know for the first time that he had used in the past.  Wanting to know what her sister experienced, Cynthia decided to try her first hit.  The experience made her incredibly sick yet she recalls waking up the next day feeling like her mind had taken over her body and she wanted more.  Her sister prostituted to earn money to buy drugs and pay her rent.  Eventually her sister and the sister’s boyfriend told Cindy she needed to start contributing.  She needed to pay money too.   Her sister convinced her to turn her first trick and work the corner.  Craving the high of T’s and R’s Cynthia decided to work the corner once to get the money she needed.  Today, 29 years later Cynthia’s eyes watered as she tells us about her very first night working the street.  She had never felt so much shame.  Despite the money she earned she remembers bypassing the drugs and coming home to the bath washing herself and drowning herself in tears. Her need to feel clean surpassed her need for the drugs, yet a cycle had begun – a cycle hard to escape.  Like many girls working the streets, Cynthia eventually learned how to separate herself from her experiences.  She found a job cleaning for an elderly couple, shopping, cleaning and running errands.  At night she would work the streets.  One day the man she was cleaning for stopped her and said good morning.  When she replied pleasantly he said “oh – it’s nice to see you – I can distinctly tell the difference between the three of you – I can see in your eyes who you are today”.  Like many sexual abuse victims Cynthia began to take on different personalities as an escape from the pain.

At one point, Cynthia freed herself from the DTES and returned home to see her grandmother.  Cynthia was addicted and down to 80 pounds.  When she returned home, she slept for days withdrawing from the T’s and R’s.  Her grandmother wanted to know why she was sleeping so much, and then all of a sudden eating so much.  She told her grandmother everything. Her grandmother didn’t judge – instead it brought them even closer.  Cynthia would sit for hours at the big window in her grandma’s front room watching an eagle.  One day her grandmother sat beside her…

“Cindy I want you to make me a promise”

“What grandma?”

“No Cindy – I need you to promise first”

“What?”

“Promise me first and then I can tell you”

“Ok grandma – I promise”

“When I am gone, I don’t want you to ever come back here”

“Ok grandma I promise”

And so Cynthia left – and again returned to the DTES of Vancouver.  Torn between two lives – a Nation with family history yet plagued by alcoholism or her sister in Vancouver and the cycle of addiction.

For 29 years, Cynthia has survived the streets of the Downtown Eastside.  She has survived prostitution, heroin, cocaine, T’s and R’s.  Yet somehow she has overcome most her battles.  Five years ago she successfully completed re-hab. She chooses to stay in the neighbourhood she knows, perhaps because it is home, perhaps because she is drawn to stay. In Cynthia’s words “This street grabs ahold of you – the demon is the rock(cocaine)”.  Yet Cynthia has beat most of her battles and now feels compelled to help others.

Just last month, at age 55, Cynthia went back to school.  She attends 3 days a week learning basic computer skills and eventually Aboriginal law.  Each day she walks Hastings Street while reciting positive affirmations in her mind. She stops to give hugs to so many who need it.  Last year, as she walked the street of her neighbourhood a man from a church group stopped her to talk.  He could tell she was a part of the neighbourhood but that she was clean.  He asked her why she stayed.  Cynthia told him she didn’t know.  He then said “I can see why you are here – you have something important to do here.  People will listen to you. You have a story to tell.”   As she told us this story, Cynthia beamed with pride as she has believed this to be true since that day and now she is starting to see it happen.  Her poem “Goodbye Letter to Myself” was recently published in a local magazine.  She has been interviewed on TV and recently she took it upon herself to speak to a group of Aboriginal youth visiting the DTES.  I told her about my blog and asked if I could share her story.  With pride she smiled “you don’t have to ask me twice”.  As I told her more about Project HELLO I asked if she would ever be interested in joining me to present to youth or to educators.  I shared with her that I have a similar goal, as I want to share our story to help others understand the DTES and understand how students can make a difference.  I mentioned that I would be presenting the THESA conference in October and wondered if she would like to join me.  With a smile as wide as a child racing towards a finish line Cynthia whole heartedly agreed saying today was meant to happen.  She then asked me my astrological sign and smiled as if she already knew when she discovered we are both Leo.  As we finished our lunch, she sat in contentment and offered this “we met for a reason – there is no such things as a coincidence.”  I told her I couldn’t agree more.

I asked Cynthia two final questions.  First, I asked what she would like others to understand about the DTES.  Here’s what she had to share.  “It’s not what people think.  The people down here are real.  They may be messed up, but what they say is real and true.  Before you judge, try to walk a day in their shoes”.

I then asked Cynthia where she plans to be in five years.  Despite her promise to her grandma, Cynthia feels compelled to help her band.  First she will stay in Vancouver to finish course work and improve her employment skills and understanding of Aboriginal law.  In time she will make her way back to Port Alberni.  Her Nation, To-quaht has recently reached a treaty settlement with the government and they are beginning to develop their oceanfront land and create employment opportunities.  Cynthia will use the funds she receives from the treaty for retirement and to set up an RESP for her grandson.  Cynthia smiled with adult confidence and then with a second thought her eyes sparkled ands she said “or maybe I’ll follow through with my dream as a child and open up my flower shop”.

I can’t help but wonder if Cynthia’s flower shop already exists in a metaphorical way.  In Canada’s darkest neighbourhood she is light.  Her hugs, her stories and her courage to make a positive difference offer beauty and serenity just like a fresh cut bouquet of flowers.

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All Too Familiar Streets: Day One of ‘Beyond HELLO’ – a deeper look into the stories of the Downtown Eastside

ImageFive years ago, my students and I began Project H.E.L.L.O. (Helping Everyone Locate Loved Ones).  Each year at Christmas and Mothers’ Day we head to the streets of the Downtown Eastside and invite the homeless to reach out and re-connect with friends or family who they may have lost touch with by sending one of our handmade greeting cards.  We then return to the schools and use the internet and phones to search for families.  To date, we have successfully connected over 300 homeless people with loved ones through cards, phone calls and a special face to face reunion.

The experience has been life changing, as we have gained so much more than we have given.  We have experienced many moments we will never forget, when the rough edges of the Eastside dissipate for a minute, and individuals search their soul to find just the right words to say to their long lost family.  We have listened to heartbreaking stories of addiction, abuse, family breakdown and mental health, yet we have also left feeling inspired by the resilience, hope and love that still exists.    We have cried with parents and children overwhelmed to hear from their loved one for the first time in years.   And other times, we have mailed cards, never truly knowing the impact.   What we do know, is that each person on the DTES has a story.  A story that explains their life and makes them truly unique.   A story that I believe is worth hearing.    For when we understand, we judge less.

Today was day one of  ‘Beyond HELLO’.  The idea was simple.  I would head to the DTES on a hot day and hand out water.  I would then invite one person to go for lunch at Save On Meats Diner, and over lunch, I would ask them some deeper questions to understand their life story.  With their permission, I would share their story and explain that our goal is to help the public understand the people of the DTES and treat them with the compassion and respect they deserve.   I invited David Jennings to join me.  David is a  student at the University of Alberta, and one of the students who began Project HELLO with me five years ago.  With two cases of water, an iPad with some thoughtful questions and some good intention we headed to the streets of the Downtown Eastside.

David and I are both familiar with the streets of the DTES as we have visited the neighbourhood dozens of times with Project HELLO, so it caught us both off guard as we approached with trepidation, not knowing what to expect.  How would we invite someone to lunch? How would we decide whom to choose?  What would we say?  We decided to load two bags full of water and walk the streets.  We decided that when the moment felt right for either of us, we would ask.   After two blocks, and brief encounters, we approached a lady who appeared in need.  She stood alone on the street, with ragged clothing, and unkempt hair.   When we offered her a bottle of water, she accepted but said what she really needed was money for a meal as she was starving.  We replied by saying we were just headed out for lunch and we would love for her to join us at Save on Meats if she was interested.  She thought for a second and then accepted our invitation.  Seeming somewhat ashamed to be with us, or to accept our offer, she walked ahead of us at a rapid pace.  I asked her her name, and she replied with one word – Cindy. We introduced ourselves and for the next few minutes we walked behind her, offering water to others as we made our way to the restaurant.  Both David and I had the same feeling.   We had selected the wrong person.  She appeared somewhat erratic on the streets, crossing through intersections diagonally and attempting to ignore or avoid any small talk with us.  The thought crossed my mind to offer her money to eat and find someone else to join us.

As we entered the alcove of the Save On Meats diner, things changed.  Overcome with emotion, Cindy experienced a mental breakdown.  She turned to us and frantically explained that she had no idea who we were or why we were there,  but that she was highly suicidal.  She feared for her life because of a drug debt and believed today was the day she would die of murder or suicide.  In a rage of emotion she frantically explained her suicidal ideation repeatedly telling us she had decided that today was the day.  She could not understand why we had chosen to help her.    David and I helped her with the door, and asked the waitress for a table for three.  We acknowledged the stress Cindy was under and motioned for her to come in and sit with us so we could try and help.  Again overcome with emotion, and with fear in her eyes, she flung herself into the booth and she began to open up… Here’s how it began…

Cindy admits to us that she is an addict.  She calls herself a junkie and knows her addiction has the best of her.  She is also HIV positive and now has full blown AIDS.  Her extremities are swollen and inflamed, and her right leg is incredibly infected.  Her body is in septic shock.  She knows she is nearing death and that she should be in the hospital.  She knows it is time for her leg to be amputated, but she is scared.  Hospitalized recently, she tells us how she yanked her tubes out and escaped back to the Downtown Eastside so she could feed her addiction.

With fear and tears in her eyes, she explains that she has cheated a friend to get her last hit of heroin.  She owes the dealer twenty dollars, and if she does not pay, she knows that either she or her friend will be physically beaten.  Looking in her eyes, I know the fear is real.  She fixates on suicide and the need to jump off a bridge.  She also shares thoughts of robbing the bank down the street as these two options appear to be her only escape.  She has never robbed a bank before, but knows it has been robbed by others so she is willing to try in an attempt to get the 20 and avoid putting her friend at risk.  Although I never give money out on the DTES, something tells me this is different, and that Cindy is telling us the truth.  I hear myself say to Cindy that things will be ok.  We will help take some of the stress off her, let her have a good meal, relax for a while and after lunch I will give her the 20 to pay her debt.  Cindy starts to relax, but is still overcome with fear of what may happen to her friend.  The waitress approaches and Cindy orders a coke, a strawberry shake, a burger and fries.  She then sheepishly asks if she could have the $20 right away, so she can go take care of the debt before lunch as she cannot relax knowing her friend is in jeopardy.  I hear myself agree and hand Cindy $20.    As David and I sit together in the booth, we quickly reflect, both wondering if she will return.  I ask David if he believes her story, and in complete agreement, he says, yes – you can see it in her eyes.

Five minutes later, Cindy returns.  A weight has been lifted off her shoulders and she cannot believe we have helped her.  With panic gone, we begin to see the real Cindy, and begin a great two hour conversation.  Cindy is almost speechless, wondering why we have chosen her to help.  David and I explain project HELLO and through conversation we realize that we have found family members of two of her friends.  We use David’s phone to show Cindy pictures of her friends Rosemary and Sandra, and tell her about the connections we have helped them make.  She is in disbelief and again thanks us sincerely.  She again explains that today was the day.  She had chosen today to die, and was standing on the street contemplating suicide.  Right before we approached her, her thoughts were shouting out that no one in this entire world cared about her.  Looking in our eyes with a calmness and softness that had not existed on the streets, she tells us that she feels a higher power is at work today as we are exactly what she needed.  Through tears of appreciation she tells us that we seem so real and so grounded and she can not believe we have picked her to join us for lunch.  We thank her for her words, and explain to her that this is our first day of ‘Beyond HELLO’ and she is the first person who seemed like they could use some company and a good meal.

As our food arrives, Cindy excuses herself to wash her hands. Feeling like the presentation is not appropriate for a suicidal woman, I remove the knife that is projecting from Cindy’s burger.  She returns with wet hands and embraces her burger and milkshake with childlike wonder.  Although she has lived across the street for twenty years, this is the first time she has been in the restaurant, and the first time in years that she has ordered from a menu.  Despite her appearance the wait staff treat her with respect and it seems like Cindy is no different than anyone else in the restaurant.

Through lunch I explain to Cindy how her story can inspire others.  I acknowledge the heart and spirit that we can see and the life she has within her.  Together we agree that today is not her day to die.  I too don’t know why she stood out to us on the streets, but we all recognize that a reason exists for us to come together. I invite her to tell us her story and ask permission to share it so others can understand the people of the DTES and the circumstances of their lives.  She looks at us with pride and disbelief, moved by the glimmer of hope that her story could make a difference to others.  She is honoured and willing to share….

Cindy moved to the DTES at the age of 16.  She was born to a middle class family in Oshawa, Ontario.  Her mom has a hard working woman who was very health conscious.  Cindy stops and says to me that I remind her of her mom.  I laugh and tell her that I’m in the middle of eating French fries so I can’t be a health nut.  She laughs too and tells me her mom likes French fries too but would only allow herself to have one.  As I continue to eat my fries she continues.  She does not give us details but alleges to an abusive step father as one of the reasons for the move. Before moving to BC she gave birth to her daughter who she gave up for adoption as she did not have any means to provide for her.   Cindy mentions that she has always wanted to find her daughter but she wants to clean herself up first.  She has thought of reaching out to an agency to help but wants to be drug free to make her daughter proud.  Unfortunately she has been in and out of rehabilitation programs, and although she has gotten herself clean twice over the past decade, the lure of the drugs in the neighbourhood always draws her back. In the early days she worked the streets of Vancouver, caught in a vicious cycle of prostitution and addiction.    She speaks of an organization from twenty years ago called the Teen Challenge that really reached out and connected with her.  She says that we remind her of the people who helped her then as she feels so  comfortable opening up with us.

She also speaks of her son who she gave birth to in 1991 with her boyfriend who still lives in the DTES as well.  She lost guardianship of her son and she believes he is now in Montreal.  She spells his name for us and I ask David to check Facebook.  Within minutes, we have her son’s Facebook profile on David’s phone, with a matching name and birthday.  For the first time in over 20 years, Cindy is looking at her son’s face.  She is overcome with joy and holds the phone cheek to cheek asking us if we can see a resemblance.  She explains that her son’s father tried to hurt her recently by yelling out his balcony at her saying their son was in jail for sexual assault.  She says she hates to think her son would be capable of that and she wonders if it’s the father’s way of trying to hurt her.  David and I decide not to tell her that the Facebook post on his page from a friend says ‘Are you still in jail?’

Cindy tells us about her living conditions in her government funded building.  Despite her need for cleanliness, she cannot help but feel the walls are closing in as bugs swarm her tiny apartment entering through the ventilation system.  The smell of chemical fumes is overwhelming.  The hallways have blood stains and splatters on the walls and door handles.  Broken needles are prevalent and her foot is extremely infected from the tip of a needle that is lodged within her foot.  Her leg is red and purple, three times the size it should be and covered in a rash up to her knee.  She walks with a limp because of the pain.    She tells us about another tenant who has beaten her regularly.  She also speaks of an ex boyfriend who lived with her for a while.  Four years ago they too had a child together, another girl,  but the baby was taken into ministry care.  When she speaks of her children you can see the shame she feels yet the eternal love of a mother who never stops worrying about her kids is also evident.   She knows she does not have long to live but wishes she could let them know how much she loves them.  David and I take down the correct spelling and details around each of her three children and promise to share her story and send love if we can find them.

As we finish lunch, Cindy is again in tears.  Her vocabulary and world knowledge is impressive as she explains that her actions as an addict do not align with her moral fibre.  She knows she has hurt people to feed her addiction and she is so ashamed as she knows that underneath she is a  good strong person.  She also knows that she does not have long to live.  She knows her doctor wants her to be at St. Pauls Hospital in the AIDS ward.  She knows she will die there.  When she talks about her recent run from the hospital she explains she was not mentally ready.  She knows her time is almost up but she wants to be at peace with herself and heal some wounds with others.  She talks abut whether or not this is a selfish pursuit.  She explains that she often thinks of people in Auschwitz who died in Concentration Camps.  If they were not given time to mentally prepare for death, why should she be afforded such a luxury?  She wrestles with this though but wants to find peace before she dies.

As the waitress brings us the bill, Cindy seems at peace.  She asks to use the washroom and returns completely cleaned up.  Her hair is wet from quick wash and is now tied in a pony tail off her face.  She has cleaned her face and hands and mentions she has even washed her feet in the sink.  With a new lightness of spirit, she tells us she no longer feels alone, and she believes she is ready to go to the hospital.  I ask if she would like an ambulance or if she would like a ride to St. Paul’s.   Cindy then pauses, and asks if she can ask us for one final request.  We invite her to share.

“Can we please take a detour on the way to the hospital.  Can we go for a drive so I can see the ocean one more time before I die?”

“Yes – I think that’s a great idea.  How about we drive through Stanley Park first?”

“Oh- can we stop for a minute so I can put my feet in the ocean? And could you please take my picture there and share it with my family?”

“Yes.  I think that’s a wonderful idea.  I think you are ready to do that”.

As I pay the bill, Cindy excuses herself for a smoke break outside.  We join her minutes later and point to my car two blocks away along Hastings, an all too familiar street for Cindy.

We approach my car and let Cindy know she can have the front seat.  She mentions her stomach is doing flips.  Perhaps it’s the nerves, perhaps it’s the milkshake, coke, fries and burger that are hard on her system that usually gets by with so much less.  We stand outside my car and the sights, smells and passerby’s of Hastings surround us.   Drawn by her addiction, Cindy looks at me with one hand on the car door and asks if she can please have $20 for one more hit  or some T3’s to stop the pain.  I say no.  Cindy then asks for $10. Then $7 and then $5.  She needs her drugs before she leaves so she can self administer them while at the hospital.  I look her in the eyes telling her I will not give her money to feed the addiction.  The hospital staff have the medication she needs.  Caught in turmoil, she is paralyzed. I tell her I can take her to the ocean, I can take her to the hospital but I will not give her money.  Our eyes meet and we both feel the pain, knowing that the Cindy we got to know has surrendered to the addiction once again.  Her need for just one more hit is stronger than her willpower to escape.  I hear myself say “Cindy,  I think it’s time we should go.” And I know by looking at her that she feels the shame of another broken relationship.   David and I get in the car.  We sit and wait for a minute in case she can find the strength.   Knowing she is not ready, I drive away slowly, with the image in my rearview mirror of Cindy hunched over the parking meter, forever burned in my mind.

Tonight, after returning home, I have located Cindy’s mom and her daughter who she gave up for adoption.  Through Facebook we have located pictures of her mom, son and daughter.  Her daughter is a spitting image of Cindy yet they have never met.    I have sent messages to the mother and daughter, explaining ‘Beyond HELLO’ asking them to contact me about Cindy.  At the very least, I can provide Cindy with pictures of her family.  Perhaps her wish will come true and she can connect with family before she dies.  Late this evening, I feel a small miracle occurred.  After noticing that her daughter has not been active on Facebook for over six months, I decided to click on her ‘Friends’ tab with the intention of picking a random stranger to help me connect.  I then noticed the (1 mutual friend) notation under one of her friend’s photos.  By a strange coincidence, her daughter is friends with a man in Ontario who is friends with one of my ex-students.  This same student actually approached me last year about spreading the word of Project HELLO  in Ontario.  We have now connected and he too hopes that the mutual friend can reach Cindy’s daughter for us.   I do not know what will come of today’s lunch, but I am grateful to Cindy for having the courage to share her story and her willingness to share with the world.  There is good reason to go Beyond HELLO. 

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Kids These Days

It’s Sunday morning, the sun is shining, I just finished a run with a friend, I have Starbucks in hand and my kids are off on a weekend adventure with their grandparents so one would think that my head would be full of positive thoughts.  For the most part it is, yet there is this nagging topic I feel compelled to write about.  So, unlike most of my blog posts, this one may come across as more of a rant.

So – here’s what’s on my mind…  I have this little pet peeve, and I just can’t shake it.  Like my otherwise calm neighbour who becomes a different person when he’s on the road with ‘bad drivers’, I find I can feel my blood boil when a certain expression arises.  There is nothing that frustrates me more than the moment when you are mid conversation with other adults and someone says “Kids these days,” assuming everyone will nod in agreement supporting the notion that society is doomed with today’s youth.

To be fair, I understand why the general population may have a poor impression of youth.  I get it. Bad news sells and it is far more likely that criminal activity or social disruption will dominate the headlines.  This notion isn’t true just for teens, it’s true for all ages and an unfortunate reality of the way we allow media to be portrayed.  Believe me, if a newspaper or TV network decided to cover only positive news stories, or the triumph and heroes that emerge with each disaster I would be the first to subscribe.

I also get that I often find myself in conversation with my neighbours, who are truly wonderful people, but whose careers offer a different perspective.  I have re-named our street emergency row as our street would vacate quickly if our city had a crisis as each house seems to have either a fireman, police officer, paramedic or hazmat team member.  With these industries responding to crises, I understand that they are not able to get an accurate perception of average kids or teens.

I understand that my view is also limited in scope as I have not researched all trends in youth behaviour, however I can speak confidently about the type of kids I get to work with on a regular basis.  As a vice principal, part of my job includes the responsibility of student discipline. Yet, unlike the movies would suggest, discipline does not dominate the day.  Why?  Two reasons really.  First of all, we don’t have many kids misbehaving.  Second, when we do, we see it as an opportunity for the student to learn from the situation, repair relationships and leave the situation strengthened so they are unlikely to find themselves in the same situation again.  Our schools are not plagued by bad kids.  We have great kids, who just like adults make some mistakes.  More often than not, it is hurt kids who hurt other kids.  Getting to the root of what is driving their behaviour and helping them heal allows our kids to learn from their mistakes and move forward.

So, if my day is not spent dealing with rowdy teenagers reeking havoc, then what are our teens really like?  This year, I worked the first half of the school year at Dr. Charles Best in Coquitlam, and the second half of the year at Thomas Haney in Maple Ridge.  In June I was fortunate to be part of two graduation ceremonies recognizing the accomplishments of the amazing kids leaving school ready to embrace the world.

When I look at our graduates, here is what I see:  They are fun, they are polite, they are intelligent, they are curious and they embrace the world beyond high school with a sense of curiosity and composure unlike when I was in school.  Unlike the past, they understand that they will likely have multiple career paths and the job they make end up in may not even exist today.  They are technologically savvy, the understand that the questions are just as important as the answers, and they embrace that learning is a lifelong process, rather than a rite of passage they have now completed.  They love their friends, family and community.  They balance the challenges of social media and live with both the communication and connection benefits that it brings, but also the exposure and immediacy that it offers.  When I think back to my own teenage years I can only imagine how different things would have been if every one of my friends had a phone in their pocket with a built in camera and access to the internet.  Let’s just say I’m happy my close friends knew some things about me that we didn’t capture on film and share with the world! I’m sure most adults can relate!

If we look to statistics, the Mcleary Foundation confirms that youth today are far less likely to smoke than youth a decade ago, 84% are in good or excellent health, drug use is not on the rise, and pregnancy rates are stable at less than 2%.  Major injuries have declined and most injuries that occur happen during sports.  Statistics Canada confirms that crime rates continue to decline across Canada, reaching a new low matching levels not seen since 1972. BC has the second lowest youth crime rate in the country with rates falling since 1991.  A study conducted by the BC Ministry and Representative for Children and Youth concludes less than 2% of children regularly present intensive behaviour challenges in schools.  However, children who have been abused become twice as likely to commit crimes, again confirming the notion that kids who  act out may be doing so based on their own hurt.  When our schools and families teach social emotional learning as well as curriculum we can help all students flourish.  We truly have great kids.

Kids today have a sense of responsibility far greater in scope than when I graduated.   They are global citizens, care deeply about recycling, volunteering, taking care of the environment and giving back to the less fortunate.  The kids I worked with this year spent time giving back at local elementary schools, homeless shelters, seniors homes, community events, sporting events and hospitals.  Many have helped raise funds through organizations such as Me to We helping impoverished nations, and some have even travelled to developing countries to help build schools and improve the access to clean water.  They smile, use manners and open doors for people.

As an example of what kids are really like, I’ve included links to two student blogs.

Selin Jessa, a graduate from Dr. Charles Best, is making headway around the world with her scientific research and commitment to leaving the world in an even better place than she found it.  Her blog ‘Thinking Out Loud’ gives a glimpse at her impressive journey.

Miranda Tymoschuk, a grade 11 student at Thomas Haney has overcome more adversity than any child should have to face, yet she uses it as motivation to improve conditions for others.  Please click here to see her story and her current fundraising efforts. http://ilaughlovedream.blogspot.ca

While these two students are the outliers with phenomenal accomplishments, they are not alone.  During graduation ceremonies, the grads from Dr. Charles Best and Thomas Haney were recognized for their accomplishments in academics, athletics, the arts, and in service, earning an impressive scholarship total of over one million dollars.

I am humbled to work with today’s youth as I get to learn from them as much as they learn from us.  Our kids are great.  Canada continues to be ranked as one of the top three education systems in the world, and we continue to focus on educating both the mind and the heart.   Our schools, our parents, and our communities are doing a great job. Unfortunately, that’s the news that doesn’t always make the headlines.  However, this is the story we should be telling.   Next time you are mid-conversation and someone mutters the expression “Kids these days,” please do me a favour, and  respond by saying, “Yes, they are pretty amazing aren’t they!”

OK – enough of my rant.  I’m off to enjoy this amazing sunny Sunday.

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The Purpose of Education

“Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.”  
Aristotle
 happiness36
Sometimes when we talk about education we lose scope of what matters.  Political campaigns and media headlines emphasize numbers: school closures, class sizes, rising costs and grad rates.  Numbers give us quick answers, and an easy way to compare schools to one another. While math was definitely my favourite subject growing up, I’m not a fan of numbers when it comes to measuring schools.  Of course class sizes, dollars spent and high marks are important, but these pieces of data pale in comparison to what really matters in education.
Let’s take your own school experience as an example.  Take a second to think back to your school days.   Do you recall the number of students in each course, the cost of your annual school fees or the grade point average of your graduating class?  I’m suspecting those are hard facts to remember.  If this is the case, why do we so often turn to quantitative measures when we set school goals or measure a school’s performance?  Quantitative data is easy to measure but I question whether it should be the goal.  When we focus on what really matters in life, we create environments where kids feel safe, supported, connected, inspired, and excited to learn.
What happens if I change the questions about your education.  This time,  what if I ask you to  tell me the name of your favourite teacher, the best class you ever took or the connections you made with others.  I bet these questions are much easier to answer.  When I look back I remember my grade 10 science teacher Mr. Sandy Hill.  Our class always looked forward to the weeks when science would fall in the last block on Friday, as those blocks were dedicated to lessons in life.  He taught us that ‘hallway’ was the most important subject, and used the power of story to teach us valuable lessons about friendship, compassion, and life in general.  In grade 12,  I met my favourite teacher of all, Mr. Rich Chambers.  And here’s the irony – I hated the subject he taught.  Yet I signed up for Comparative Civilizations so I could hear his stories, and experience what it was like to be in his class.   Every morning he greeted each of us at the door with a handshake.  He brought humour and energy to every class.  He had high expectations and he cared deeply about each and every student.  Attendance wasn’t something he had to worry about as a teacher as his class was so exciting that no one wanted to miss it.
Personally, I will never forget a particular April morning in my grade 12 year.  I had a terrible fight with my parents and I had been crying most the night.  When I woke up my eyes were puffy so I wore my sunglasses to school.  Mr. Chambers was at the door as usual, waiting to greet each student.  As he shook my hand he exclaimed “hey – nice shades!”.  I lifted my glasses so he could see my swollen eyes.  He gave me a quick pat on the shoulder and told me we would chat soon.  What happened next was perhaps the best ‘teacher education’ I have received.  He did not single me out or draw any attention to my bad day.  Instead, he started the class by saying today was the day we were going to have mini conferences with him in the hall to talk about our progress.  He put a video on relating to the curriculum and began to call each student out for individual meetings.  After two or three students, it was my turn, and he was able to discreetly talk to me about what was going on in my life outside school.  I will never forget that moment where he seamlessly transitioned his lesson to discreetly help me though a difficult time.  Teachers like Sandy Hill and Rich Chambers truly understand that the most valuable lessons we learn in school are lessons in life.
 Now that I’m a parent I think about what I want for my own children.  Here’s what I want their school experience to be like:
  • I want them to develop a love for learning  where childlike wonder develops into an inquisitive nature.  Where they are just as excited to raise their hand in grade 12 as they are in kindergarten.
  • I want them to understand how they learn so they can continue to apply their skills to new content throughout life.
  • I want them to become socially responsible citizens who care deeply about others and take the time to know people’s stories.
  • I want them to have rich experiences in and out of the classroom where they connect with community, explore a vast array of topics, and start to discover their own passions.
  • I want them to play.  I want them to feel safe enough to take risks and embrace their creative spirit.
  • I want them to find balance with skills in technological literacy for a  fast paced world yet equal skill in self reflection, mindfulness and comfort in silence.
  • I want them to be loved, appreciated and understood.  I want them to experience synergy and contagious energy that develops when they truly connect with others.
  • And more than anything I want them to always be happy.  I want them to understand that happiness does not come from getting what they want, but rather from giving to others, expressing gratitude, being active and reflecting on who they are becoming.
  • I want them to learn with passionate educators who believe in educating the mind as well as the heart.  This video, which was beautifully created for the Heart Mind 2013 Conference captures this perfectly.   http://www.educatingtheheart.org
As an educator, I want this for my children and for your children.  Do I also want them to get good grades?   Of course I do.  I’d just rather we focus on what matters most.  When we create learning environments where our children can thrive, the numbers will become a by-product of more meaningful and significant goals.
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A Glimpse Into Administration: Why I Love this Journey

My best friend Jen would make an excellent administrator. Why? She is a natural leader, excellent educator, committed to professional development and loves working with students and teachers.  She is creative, fun and inspiring.  There’s just one problem. She is not interested.  Like many others, she doesn’t feel it is the job for her.  Like others, she fears that a career in administration would reduce the amount of time she gets to spend with kids, and fill her days with problems to deal with.   And I get it.  If I rewind four years, when I first started thinking about administration I was in the same place.   In fact, when I was offered an ‘acting admin’ position a couple years ago I accepted for one reason:  I wanted to shake away the silly notion of applying that seemed to bubble inside me every time the posting appeared. The temporary ‘acting admin’ position would be enough to convince me it was not the job for me. Five months in, when I found out the acting admin position would be extended for the entire school year, my principal approached me and asked if I was going to apply to be an administrator.  I said no.  She then asked if I would like her find someone else to do the acting admin position for the second semester so I could return to my counselling position.  I heard myself say no.  She asked why.  It was a fair question. In that moment I realized I had no explanation, and it was time to adjust my own belief, and recognize that I love the role of administration.   She then asked if that meant I would put my name in for the admin pool.  I said I would definitely think about it.  She told me to think fast – the posting was to come out the next day.  So here we are – three years later, and reflecting on my vice principal roles in two schools in two different districts, I have to say I love my job.
Being an administrator is so much more than handling conflicts, managing diminishing budgets, listening to complaints and responding to student discipline. Fortunately I have had the opportunity to work with two outstanding principals, Mary O’Neill and Sean Nosek who both embrace the notion that school is not just about learning curriculum, but also about learning lessons in life.  As an administrator, we get to experience so many positive and unique moments, where students and staff learn together.  Yet, I wonder if we share these positive moments enough.  By the number of people who have said “I would never want your job”, I’m thinking we do not.  Statistically, when people are happy about something they tell 2-3 people and when they are unhappy they tell 10-15.  What a different world we would live in if we could flip that statistic.
The last few weeks have been full of amazing experiences.  Here’s a quick glimpse at some of my favourite moments.  They shed light on what administration is really like and why I love my job.
  • Grade 8 Inquiry Project– a team of our grade 8 teachers dedicated the month of April to Inquiry Based Learning.  For one month, they put curriculum aside and helped students develop their own questions for inquiry.  The month long event culminated in a morning exhibition where students showcased their incredible projects ranging from the creation of video games, new all weather recycled clothing, and a violin performance by a student who had taught herself how to play. IMG_0410 As a vice principal walking through the exhibition I was inspired by the excitement and passion that surfaced with these purposeful assignments.  Students studied what mattered to them, and in doing so embraced their curiosity and sense of wonder.  Many students were so engaged in their learning, they continued to study their topic after the project was over.
  • Me to We Night – I was lucky enough to find myself on the invite list to an evening of conversation with ladies from Kenya who were visiting North America for the first time. Mama Monica and Mama Leah shared the stories of their lives, growing up in poverty with no education.  Now, in coordination with Me to We, they teach others to make beautiful jewelry that is sold around the world.  They now have 600 women working with them, and their lives have changed dramatically as they are able to send their children to school, provide for their families and feel an incredible sense of hope for the future.  As we conversed in a waterfront condo at New Westmnister Quay I could not help but wonder if they felt resentment for all that we have.  Instead, they spoke genuinely from the heart, finding similarities between us rather than differences.  Together, as a group of educators we sang, laughed and celebrated the power that comes from working together.
  • Miranda meets Robin.  Miranda is a grade 11 student at Thomas Haney.  She has already completed two Me to We Trips (to Ghana and Kenya) so I thought I would ask her some questions before visiting the ladies from Kenya.  I mentioned that some lady named Robin would be there.  Miranda’s face lit up as she asked if I meant Robin Wiszowaty, author or My Maasai Life.  I said yes.  It turns out Robin had played a key role in Miranda’s life.  Miranda experienced many health issues as a child and had to undergo numerous surgeries.  In an effort to mentally escape from the hospital, Miranda read Robin’s book.  Miranda credits this book as her escape from reality, as she was able to experience Robin’s journey through Kenya and imagine herself there.  Knowing Robin was going to to be at Me to We night, I made a few phone calls and we were able to invite Miranda to join us for the evening.  She was able to spend time with Robin, bonding over their experiences.  After the evening ended, Miranda tagged a photo of the event on Facebook, labelling it ‘one of the best nights of my life’.
  • Heart Mind Conference.  Last weekend I had the opportunity to attend an amazing conference at UBC focussed on mindfulness, the science behind happiness, and understanding how children thrive.  Some of my favour presenters included Goldie Hawn, Paul Tough and Shawn Achor.  I encourage Twitter users to happiness-slidesearch the hashtag #heartmind2013 to gain a glimpse into the conference take-aways on social-emotional learning.  Personally, I love the science behind happiness and the discovery that only 10% of our happiness is impacted by external factors beyond our control.  When we help students train their minds to experience happiness, we help them excel in school and life.  One of my favourite take away suggestions was Shawn Achor’s telephone etiquette tip….. When you are on the phone and someone asks how you are doing, make sure the first three things you say are positive.  Rather than whining about busy lifestyles, stress or negative moments, we can reshape our conversations and our own happiness if we focus on the positives.  Happiness has a ripple effect…. Wouldn’t you look forward to phone calls if everyone you called shared their happiness before their concerns?
  • Project HELLO – I am so grateful that the students and staff at Thomas Haney have allowed me the opportunity to bring Project HELLO with me to Maple Ridge.  I am also grateful that the staff and students in Coquitlam have shown an interest to continue the project.  Now we have two district working together where elementary students make Christmas and Mothers’ Day cards and high school students invite the homeless to send cards reconnecting with family.  This Mothers’ Day students and staff from Charles Best and Thomas Haney spent the day together on the Downtown Eastside of Vancouver helping 42 people send cards to their moms.  The students then made calls to search the country for mailing addresses, and IMG_0419successfully connected many families including a lady who had not heard from her sister in over twelve years.   This year we spent part of the day with Save on Meats and Linwood House, learning how these wonderful organizations provide hope to people in this impoverished community.   As an administrator, I love finding time to work with students on projects, committees and events.  Sometimes our days get busy, but making time for these meaningful connections bring so much joy to the work we do.
  • Professional learning community.  As an administrator I am so grateful for the professional learning community that I am part of.  Last Friday we hosted a team of student teachers just finishing their practicums.   On  Tuesday I spent the lunch hour with teachers sharing technology tips with one another.  Over the past few weeks, we have welcomed educators to Thomas Haney from BC, the Yukon, and New Zealand.  Next week we will welcome guests from Iceland.  While these teams have travelled to Thomas Haney to learn about our self directed model, I find we gain just as much as we learn about education around the world.  Who knew that Yukon follows the BC curriculum while also implementing a grade seven buffalo hunt?  They described the challenges as grade sevens each have their own knives in the school gym for the buffalo skinning.  Now that’s classroom management!
  • IHIT Team –  OK – perhaps what I love best about administration is the unpredictable nature of our jobs.  It is a mix of social work, counselling, management, leadership, event planning, and police work all rolled into one.  So – last week when two gentlemen appeared in my office dressed in business suits and identified themselves as members of the IHIT team, I have to admit I was intrigued.   They wanted our help in their attempt to notify next of kin of a homicide victim. Luckily the tragedy didn’t impact our school community but temporarily helping the IHIT team search for a family was pretty exciting  (ok – maybe it’s a bit morbid… maybe I should have been a cop :))
  • Property Brothers – photoForming positive relationships with school alumni always builds culture, but when Drew and Jonathan Scott from the Property Brothers (alumni from Thomas Haney) happened to swing by for a visit it was pretty exciting.  Especially when they mentioned they want to find ways to give back and connect with the school community inspiring others to follow their dreams.
  • Yoga – With encouragement from some of our students, I decided to try one of our school’s yoga classes.  Taught by Michelle Szakos, the class was challenging yet relaxing.  What I loved best was the role the students played learning to teach yoga.  Ms. Szakos combined her skills as an English teacher and yoga instructor to guide students through a rejuvenating visualization exercise.  What a great way to start a day!  I love that our kids have so many unique course offerings!
  • Selin Jessa – Selin Jessa is a grade 12 student at Charles Best who has recently won close to $300 000 in scholarship offers for her fantastic work in the sciences and leadership.  She visited Thomas Haney to share her passion with science students, inspiring others with stories of her trip to Antartica, and her work with graduate students on HIV.  What I loved best was the way she ended her presentation.  She compared science to politics and coined science as one of the few peaceful global projects where countries share and work together for positive change. Her message applied to all disciplines encouraging others to work together with peaceful intentions.
  • Staplefest – You may wonder what this is…. Really, it’s one of those ‘seeing is believing’ type of things….   It took place in Maple Ridge on Friday where students from multiple schools join together to celebrate the stapler.  From staple relays, choreographed stapler dances and stapler inspired music, students celebrate together finding the ‘significance in insignificant things’.    I will never look at a stapler the same way.
Sometimes I feel that I am drawn away from the daily routine to attend to moments such as these, yet I am beginning to recognize that these experiences are not distractions but rather education itself.   Despite the variety in these experiences, they have a common theme.  They recognize the potential we have when we connect and work together.  They demonstrate how rich learning can be when we extend beyond our classroom walls. They recognize that the well being of our students should always be our priority, as education is so much more than curriculum.     Tom Huffman defines education as every activity that broadens and enhances life.  As a vice principal, I am loving my education.  (And yes Jen, .. you should apply!)
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The Bullying Games: An Inspiring and Creative Approach

Imagine a world in the future, where bullying ceases to exist.  Where those who commit a bullying crime are brought before a panel for two purposes: first to understand their own past and why they acted out towards another, and second, to make things right and apologize for the hurt they have caused.  Imagine a society that cares not only about the bullied, but about the bullies, wanting both sides to heal from the hurt. Imagine a world where everyone plays a role, and helps support one another, so we can recognize the unique and wonderful qualities that exist in each of us.  Imagine.

Last night, for two hours, I had the pleasure of living in this world.  Like a great movie that transforms you from realty, The Bullying Games fast forwarded the audience into the future, into a world where bullying is dealt with effectively.  Built on the premise of The Hunger Games, competing teams spoke of their crimes and competed with one another for the ultimate prize. Compassion, teamwork, understanding and forgiveness moved teams forward as they resolved realistic bullying issues. For two amazing hours, the cast of The Bullying Games entertained and educated their audience, challenging each person to act as a positive force.  While last night was the last scheduled performance of this amazing youth production, their was a buzz in the air as the show concluded.  The standing ovation marked the closing, yet the voices of the crowd repeatedly suggested that this must be a beginning.

Personally, I feel The Bullying Games is the most positive, effective, creative and inspiring approach to bullying that I have seen.  There is a synergy that exists when people come together focused on making a positive difference.  This production is the result of an inspiring story, where students and adults work together to create magic.

The story began with an amazing teacher, Dean Whitson, who wanted to engage his leadership students in a real project where they could develop leadership skills while making a positive difference.  The students and teacher participated in We Day in Vancouver, and left feeling inspired to do something in their community.  They decided to tackle the issue of bullying and began to brainstorm ideas.  Together, they decided that pink T-shirts were not enough, and they decided that they wanted to focus on the positive rather than the ‘Anti’ in Anti-Bullying Day.  With passion and excitement, they crafted up an idea where they could engage an entire school district to work together to create a production of music, martial arts, dance and song with a motivating, thought-provoking and informative look at bullying from both sides.

To begin, the class created Love is Louder Than Bullying shirts.  The leadership students then travelled to schools in Port Moody, Port Coquitlam, and Coquitlam, mentoring other leadership students who took the lead selling the shirts at their schools.  Thousands of shirts were sold.  With the profit made from shirt sales, the students hired a production company, ABC Let’s Act, to write and direct a play on bullying.  However, in the spirit of inclusion and realism, the students took further steps, to interview middle and high school students around the district to share what bullying really looks like.  They then shared their research with the Director, Mandy Tulloch, who then created a meaningful script.  Mandy opened auditions to all SD43 students and selected a phenomenal cast ranging from age 11-18 from a variety of schools, showcasing the amazing talent of youth in the community.  The final product was an absolutely brilliant production, entertaining and educating the audience through music, song and martial arts.

I love The Bullying Games for so many reasons.  Here are a few:

  • It demonstrates the magic that can happen when we work together
  • It started as idea, and gained momentum involving schools from all levels
  • It celebrates the talent of youth in the community
  • It recognizes that bullies and the bullied are both the victims, and sends powerful messages to both sides
  • It began as an idea, motivated not by political campaigns but by the genuine passion of youth wanting to make a difference
  • It is research based, dealing with real issues that kids face
  • It educates and inspires change, through entertainment
  • It teaches leadership skills to youth in a fun, engaging format
  • It is preventative rather than reactive
  • It is age appropriate for students K-12

While last night was the final performance, I cannot help but wonder if the momentum will continue.  The Bullying Games is simply too good to be over.  It is something that every child in BC should see.  Hopefully, the stars will continue to align, and that will become a possibility.

Imagine a world in the future where bullying ceases to exist.  Imagine a society that cares not only about the bullied, but about the bullies, wanting both sides to heal from the hurt. Imagine a world where everyone plays a role, and helps support one another, so we can recognize the unique and wonderful qualities that exist in each of us.  Imagine.  How do we get there?  The Bullying Games is a fantastic start.

I offer my sincere congratulations to the students, staff and community members who worked together to create such a magical and inspiring project.  For more information on The Bullying Games, contact Dean Whitson (dwhitson@sd43.bc.ca) at Terry Fox Secondary.

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Waves of Emotion: Helping Children Recognize the Power of Silence

“Peace: It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.  It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.”

Author unknown

I am not a quiet person.  I like to talk.  I like to laugh.  Those who know me well describe me as an extrovert.  And yet, the older I get, I wonder if that’s really true.  I find that as I get older, the more I rely on my inner voice and the more I learn to appreciate silence.  When I need to make a big decision I certainly like to talk to others, but ultimately I find I am able to find answers when I am quiet. When I take time to consciously stop and reflect, things become clear. Times like spring break, Christmas break and summer provide natural opportunities to read, reflect, and think.  I appreciate these quiet moments and recognize I need to schedule them into my day when life is operating at the regular pace.

imageThis spring break, I am on vacation with my family in San Jose del Cabo.  As I write this blog, I can hear the waves from the Sea of Cortez crashing against the shore.  They sound like thunder yet soothe the soul and remind me of the power of the universe. At the shore, the waves are giant as they crash against the sand, yet further out in the distance, the sea appears calm.  At the surface, the water churns with emotion, and yet, deep within, a place of calm exists.   Listening to the waves, I can’t help but recognize a parallelism that exists between the sea and children. Like the sea, children are full of emotion.  The emotions of children are often unpredictable, can change in a moment, and can range from pure jubilation to stormy seas in a matter of moments.  Authentic emotions roll freely from children, as they have not yet learned to hide emotion.  As parents and educators, we face the challenge of helping children return to a calm place while managing our own emotions at the same time.

When I think about the teens I have worked with as an educator, I recognize that so many of them are also like the crashing waves.  They have highs, lows, and a range of emotions that surface from positive and negative stressors.  It seems more and more common to work with children who struggle with depression, anxiety, or difficulty managing the stress in their lives.  As I start to recognize the power of silence, I wonder if we are allowing our children to grow up with enough down time built into their days.  Do we help kids find the calm that exists within them?  As parents I wonder if we are teaching our kids to appreciate silence or have we created negative associations with quiet time by using strategies such as ‘time out’?

As a parent, there is nothing I want more than my children to grow up ‘happy’.  When I say I want my children to be happy, that does not mean that I want to give in to their every wish and surround them with material items.  Instead, I want to help them grow up with the habits that truly create happiness.  The science of happiness studies the habits of truly happy people.  These habits include positive thinking, altruism, exercise, gratitude, connection to others, relaxation, reflection and stress management.  So I stop and ask… how many of these habits do we teach to our children?  As a parent, I can think of ways I teach my children to think positively, give to others, exercise, connect and show appreciation; but I’m not sure I have put as much effort into teaching my boys how to relax, reflect and manage stress.  When I think of our schools, I see the same pattern.  Schools today seem busier than when we were kids.  Emphasis on cooperative learning and the integration of technology has a positive impact but also adds a new level of connection.  This is an exciting time, and learning today is an incredibly rich process.  As classrooms become more dynamic, do we need to be consciously aware of the quiet time we schedule into the day? Should we ask ourselves how we are teaching our students to relax, reflect and manage their stress? Kids today grow up with high tech toys, the internet at their fingertips and activity filled schedules.  Do we allow for introverted children to shine? Do we teach extroverts the power of silence? Many schools have implemented MindUP training to help children develop mindfulness but unfortunately it seems to be a program of choice based on the teacher rather than a competency that children of all ages are working towards.

imageDuring spring break I am able to spend fun filled days with my kids from morning until evening. Our days are full of swimming, beach walks, activities, games, time with friends, and constant conversation. Our kids have a rich and wonderful life. However, we don’t seem to have much down time built into the day.  Even ‘down time’ often involves the TV or a high tech toy.

The more I read about wellness and happiness, the more I recognize the importance of silence in our daily routines. Silence can take many forms (meditation, mindfulness, yoga, reflection, journaling, etc).  Just last night I watched a video clip where Marci Shimoff speaks about happiness and how it was managed in indigenous cultures.  When someone was feeling depressed, they would visit the Medicine Man or Shaman.  He would ask four questions:

When did you stop moving?

When did you stop singing?

When did you stop telling others your story?

When did you stop having time for silence everyday?

Just last week, my two boys had an argument. As I was getting ready for school my youngest son, age 5, was at my leg crying.  He had been first to the remote control yet his brother, age 8, came along and took the remote to turn the TV to his chosen show. Through tears, Cole said “I was watching the Black Show and Jaden changed the channel and the Black Show is my favourite!”  I asked Jaden why he had changed the channel, only to discover that Jaden had taken the remote because Cole had not turned the TV on. His favourite show, The Black Show, meant he was holding the remote and staring at the black screen.  In the moment this seemed cute and funny.  Today, reflecting on life at a busy pace I wonder if I missed a moment for Cole to enjoy the silence.

Like the crashing waves, we have emotion that rolls from us throughout the day, yet like the sea, a place exists within us where we are calm.  How can we teach our children to find the calm beneath the waves? When spring break concludes and we return to the hectic pace of regular life, I hope to make moments of silence a routine for my children and I.  And next time my five year old grips the remote and asks if he can watch the Black Show, the answer will be a definite yes.

Happy Spring Break!

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Redefining School: Thomas Haney’s Self Directed Model

Imagine you are on an airplane, mid-flight, and you strike up a conversation with the passenger beside you.  Together you start comparing high school as you know it from your hometown.  If you are from BC, you would likely share some personal experience while outlining the basic framework: 30 students per classroom, 1 teacher per room, different curriculum for each course, 4 classes per day, 5 days of school per week, 8 courses per year, bells to dictate start and end times, etc.  Although your description may include some variations on school culture and unique attributes, the basic learning environment would likely sound similar regardless of who was telling the story…unless you are from Thomas Haney!

Six weeks ago I began a new position as Vice Principal at Thomas Haney Secondary.  I have held off blogging about the school until now as I wanted to have time to experience the culture and understand the model before sharing it publicly.  Although I am certainly not an expert, I feel confident describing what makes Thomas Haney so incredibly unique!

Thomas Haney is part of the Canadian Coalition for Self Directed Learning. Following a unique model, each student is on a personalized learning program where they have the ability to explore their passions and focus on their strengths as they work towards graduation.  Students develop competencies necessary for life after graduation including communication skills, planning, an understanding of their learning style, organization, negotiation and technological literacy skills.

When students begin grade eight, they become part of a multi-grade Teacher Advisory (TA) Group.  Essentially, this becomes their home base or family at school.  TA meets at the start and end of each day.  Students stay with the same teacher for TA throughout their five years of high school. This allows for very strong relationships between teachers and students, and allows parents to have a key contact at the school for communicating about their child.  The teacher advisor is in frequent communication with the other teachers to stay informed of the progress the students in TA are making in their coursework.

Each day, students use their planner to set their learning goals for the day.  They use the morning TA time to determine what they are going to work on, where they will be working, and what their weekly goals are.  The teacher advisor signs off on the plan after discussing it with the students.

Each course at Thomas Haney is divided into twenty learning guides.  As students complete learning guides, they track their progress in their planner to communicate with their TA and their parents.  Teachers from each course will pace the course and communicate with students about which learning guide they should be working on.  The school is not self paced, though the structure and learning is self-directed so that the students have opportunities to decide what to work on when, and how to demonstrate their learning.  This often leads to creative explorations where students follow their passions  and engage in projects that meet the learning outcomes of multiple courses at the same time.

As students progress through the grades, their schedules allow them more flexibility, and more control over their own learning.  In grade eight, all students are in set classes all day.  Each of the eight set classes meet three times per week.  Many choose to participate in our grade eight laptop pod where every student has a laptop with the necessary resources instead of a bag full of textbooks.  On Mondays, grade eight’s join all other grades in a one hour ‘Y’ block where students choose where to work and what to work on.

In grade nine, each course meets two times per week instead of three. The remaining blocks become work blocks, where students plan their own day and choose their work areas.  Each department has a ‘Great Hall’ where students can choose to work.  Teachers also have flexible schedules with a mix of set classes or time in the great halls supporting learning.  In grades ten through twelve, most courses meet for one set class per week with the expectation that the student attend the great hall at least two times per week to work on that particular course.

What is the result?  Well, here are some of my first impressions.  First of all, the teachers have an increased amount of time to collaborate as they are often in shared work spaces that lend themselves to natural collaboration.  Next, the relationship between students and teachers is very strong.  As you walk through the great halls you see teachers sitting next to students working one on one or in small groups, allowing for individual attention and meaningful dialogue.

What surprised me most, is how able the students are at handling the increased responsibility.  Almost all students rise to the challenge and as a result, there are very few behaviour issues.  As you walk through the school you see students from all grades working in the same areas, helping one another, and working with the teachers to guide their learning.  While working on curriculum, students are also developing competencies that range from time management to creativity.  As an example, just last week, two students who had never worked together before began talking and decided to create this amazing spoken poem about social justice. They will share it live at the upcoming Maple Ridge Social Justice conference.  They will also share this with their Socials and English teachers to see what learning outcomes this project meets.

The open structure and flexible scheduling also lends itself nicely to unique school events during the day such as the recent ‘Poetry Slam’ contest pictured here photothat took place in our English Great Hall.  Next week for spirit week, all students dress in colours representing their TA’s, and participate in a variety of events culminating with the annual Gym Riot where the colours compete in friendly competition.

Finally, what I have recognized in my short time here, is that the staff and students of Thomas Haney absolutely love their school.  They are incredibly proud of the unique model, and appreciate learning in a way that models what we see in the changing workplace.  Graduates leave feeling ready to embrace the world, with the competencies necessary to navigate their next adventure in life.  And, if that next adventure finds them on a flight, I can assure you they will have lots to talk about when they spark up a  conversation addressing what high school is like in their hometown.

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Love Is Louder Than Bullying: Why I Believe in Restorative Justice

Mother Teresa once said “If you hold an anti-war rally, I shall not attend.  If you hold a peace-rally invite me.”  As we approach Anti-Bullying day, I am hopeful that we will use the day to reflect and think of our own actions, and what we can do to model appropriate behavior.  I wish that we could re-frame the day with a new label, focusing on the behaviors we want to see.

As an educator I am hesitant to say I don’t like the term anti-bullying because I worry others will misunderstand my intention.  In no way do I support bullying behavior, however I am an advocate for positive approaches to behavior where the goal is to repair harm rather than assign blame.   Why?  I think Todd Whitaker answers it best in this video clip “What Great Teachers Do Differently”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXCl2fMsdTU

Put simply, hurt kids will hurt other kids.  If we focus on punishing the child, we teach shame and the chance of that student hurting others rises.  When we label students as bullies we focus our efforts on determining who is guilty and who is innocent.  This stems from our criminal justice system so it is a natural way of thinking for most of us.  However, I challenge you to ask yourself this: Do you believe our criminal justice system strengthens individuals and helps improve their skills before reintegrating them into society? I’m assuming most of you will answer no.

Last Friday I had the privilege of presenting a workshop on Restorative Justice during a professional development conference.  As a teacher, counselor, parent and administrator I am a huge supporter or restorative approaches as a method of responding to behavior.  Restorative Justice is a model based on control theory, which centers around the belief that the only person’s behavior that we can truly control is our own.

To help explain the model, I will use a real example that I helped mediate between two students (though I will change the names).

Sally came to the office to report her wallet stolen from the school change room.  She hadn’t locked up her belongings and when she returned from PE her wallet was gone and her bus pass and money were missing.  After looking at the security cameras we developed a list of students who went in and out of the change room during that period.  Through conversation with Amy, a student who should not have been in the change room that block, we were able to determine that Amy had taken the wallet.

From a punitive perspective our goal would be to determine:

-What rule has been broken (respecting others property)

-Who is guilty? (Amy)

-What the consequence should be (likely a suspension)

From a restorative perspective our goal would be to determine:

-Who has been harmed? (Sally)

-What relationships have been damaged? (Sally and Amy’s, Amy and the school as trust has been broken, etc)

-How can relationships be repaired? (Amy taking responsibility, Amy accepting a related consequence, Amy understanding the impact her actions had on Sally and the school.

-How can Amy learn from this situation and return to the group strengthened?

In this particular situation, I will never forget the impact the mediation had.  Amy agreed to return the wallet, but had already spent the money.  She was in ministry care and struggled to come up with the funds.  Rather than having her re-pay Sally, the school offered to re-pay Sally while Amy volunteered time at the school to pay back the school.  Amy also met with our liaison officer to understand the severity of shoplifting or stealing from others.  However, the most powerful moment came when I brought the two girls together.  Amy was able to apologize for her actions, but also explain why she had made such a bad decision based on her financial situation.  Sally was able to accept the apology, but also explain to Amy that her family had struggled financially throughout her childhood.  She was able to explain the choices she had made rather than stealing.  Watching the girls talk openly, they were able to understand more about one another.  Sally got her money back and Amy was able to take responsibly and return to the group strengthened.  Amy did not steal from students again the rest of her days in high school.

Tomorrow is anti-bullying day.  I challenge you to see the day in a positive light. Remember that as adults, we are all teachers.  When we see bullying, let’s focus on the teachable moment to strengthen our children rather than focusing our energy on assigning blame.  As coined by the Coquitlam School District, “Love is Louder Than Bullying”.

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The Habit of Happiness…

The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives. ~ William James,  Science of Happiness

Take a second to think about your workplace.  Think about the employees who work there and think about their overall level of happiness.  It is quite likely you can imagine your co-workers along a continuum.  Some individuals seem to have a natural gift of happiness, viewing the world in a positive light, while others seem to carry extra weight on their shoulders, overcome with negativity and the roadblocks that stand between them and happiness. We all know someone who seems to suffer with Monday Misery. The person who walks in Monday morning only to ask if it’s Friday yet.    Imagine choosing to hate one out of every seven days just because it’s Monday. It’s like choosing to be grumpy for twelve years, if we assume the average life span is just less than 85 years of age.

I own a water bottle that is covered in inspiring quotes on the outside. One quote, which receives some debate, states  “The pursuit of happiness is the root of unhappiness.” I like it for two reasons: First, I like it because I agree with this idea, and second, I like it because there is an element of awareness that arises once you take responsibility for your own happiness level, and recognize how flooded our society is with others who don’t.  Just this morning I read a front page newspaper headline quoting a teenager who claimed the actions of others have ruined her life.  If only the teen could recognize that viewing her life as ruined is actually a thought she has full control over. When we attribute happiness to external factors, we create a moving target that we are always running towards.  To stop and find happiness within allows us to be present and enjoy life now.

Shawn Achor, gives a fantastic TED Talk outlining The Happy Secret to Better Work.  Achor recognizes “It’s not necessarily the reality that shapes us, but the lens through which your brain views the world  that shapes your reality.  And if we can change the lens, not only can we change your happiness, we can change every single business and educational outcome at the same time.” When our brains are happy we produce more dopamine which stimulates learning, creativity and energy levels.   Creating this environment in our schools and teaching students how to be happy has positive impact in the classroom and beyond. According to Achor, our external world only predicts 10% of our long term happiness in life.  The other 90% is determined by how our brain processes information.  The great news is that we can re-train our brains, once we recognize how to be happy.  I know that when I am stressed the habit of happiness is something I need to be conscious of and sometimes I need to schedule strategies into my day.  While psychologists of happiness may have a variety of tricks, these are my favourites that work best for me.

1) Exercise.  I know that when I work out in the morning, I am a better mom, a better wife, and a better educator.  When life becomes busy this is often the first habit to quit, yet it most needed during stressful times.

2) Gratitude.  I like to end each day thinking of five things I am grateful for.  I need to make effort to share this gratitude with others.   I love the quote “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”

3)Journal.  Writing thoughts down always feels therapeutic to me.  Not only does it allow me to release emotions, it allows me to put things in perspective and ask myself why I feel the way I do.

4) Sleep. I hate to admit this one as it makes me feel old.  I used to live on 5 hours sleep per night.  Lately I really recognize that a little extra sleep has an amazing ability to shift the lens of how I view the world. A tad ironic that I’m typing this tip at 1 AM.

5) Be Still.  While I love the chance to talk with friends and family, especially when I am feeling unhappy, I also recognize that the final conversation needs to be a chat with myself.  The answers are within. Happiness does not come from pleasing others but rather from listening and trusting our inner voice.

6) Take Responsibility. There will be days, weeks and perhaps years that are more difficult than others for each and everyone of us.  As we face adversity, challenge and change, our sense of belonging and well being shifts. I like to remind myself regularly that although I do not have total control over what happens to me, I always have control over how I react.  I can choose to embrace the habit of happiness.

Happy BC Family Day Long Weekend! I hope you choose to make it a happy one!